Quotes.

I feel as if quotes from songs and movies describe my life perfectly sometimes. I hate the fact that I can use materialistic things such as movies to describe my life, but I can't help but relate. 

When I'm upset, angry, depressed, anything. I hop in my car a drive. With music blasting. It's the only way I can get away from everything up here. My music goes as loud as it can and I forget that anything exists but the road I'm following. 

The past month has been ridiculous for me. So many ups and down. Heartbreaks and wonderful things have happened. I feel as if I'm overflowing with emotion. I don't know what else to do but write random rants about different topics. 

At any rate. I wanted to put together all of the quotes and lyrics that I’ve thought of that have described me or what what I am going through at the time perfectly. 

“I am a traveler of both time and space, all will be revealed...”

-Led Zeppelin

“They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?”

-Waking Life

“There's only one instant, and it's right now. And it's eternity.”

-Waking Life

“Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in”

-American Beauty

“...I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...”

-American Beauty

“Long you live and high you'll fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.”

-Pink Floyd

“I will always be here...I will always look out from behind these eyes...It's only a lifetime”

-Pink Floyd

“The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.”

-Jimi Hendrix

“So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours”

-Jason Mraz

“Then as it was, then again it will be, and though the course will change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea.”

-Led Zeppelin

“We are eagles of one nest - the nest is in our soul.”

-Led Zeppelin

“These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall...Upon us all a little rain must fall.”

-Led Zeppelin

“On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion.”

-Waking Life

““Every silver linings got a touch of grey

I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.”

-Grateful Dead

Holiday Contemplation.

I feel as if I am overflowing with thoughts. 

So many things to think about, contemplate. I want to tell someone all of my thoughts. I long to have a friend who I can sit next to for hours and talk about everything. About everything going on in my life and theirs. About the meaning of life, about their beliefs and about mine. I want to talk about heartache and sentimental thoughts. About triumphs and failures. Maybe I am expecting too much. I feel as if I am so full of emotion, of life, and of stories. I want to share them with someone. 

I know I have friends I can talk to. And on the surface I feel like we have connections, similar interests. But I don't feel like anyone knows me or I know them. I want to have a deep connection with someone, doesn't everybody? I want to feel as if I know someone inside and out. I miss having a deep connection with someone. Having someone to share my life with.

I feel as if this Christmas isn't everything I was expecting. Maybe I need to learn to have less expectations. It would lead to less disappointment and more excitement. I find myself missing my dad more than ever imaginable this Christmas. I miss having him around, and how he could brighten a room with smiles and laughter. I feel like a huge part of my life is still missing. I hate that I let myself still get this upset after my dad has been dead for over two years, but I suppose I have to accept the fact that I will always carry this feeling with me. I feel as if I should be stronger and not let the thoughts of him overtake me any more. I have been having flashbacks to his accident and it still manages to overwhelm me and take my breath away. I wish I didn't feel so empty. I wish I could have someone to talk to about my father to. I want to tell them all about him, about his faults and his personality. About how when I was a kid I would hold his pinky finger when I walked with him and call him "Big Guy". I still can't believe he's gone. I can't believe that he will never see me get married,  be able to walk me down the isle. I can't believe I won't get to share my life experiences with him.

You know what I want this Christmas? Something simple, inexpensive and wonderful. All I want is someone to share my day with. Do something cute. Cuddle up and watch Christmas movies with. Someone to remind me that I can have a deep connection with someone else. That's all I ask for. 

Lonely...

I feel alone. In a sea of people. I want to feel as if I belong somewhere. I want to feel like I'm on a path that has an end destination. I hate feeling this lost in life. I don't know where to go from here..